YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
