Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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