happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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