I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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