I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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