it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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