This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize