fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
