respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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