when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We got so high we made milksteak
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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