The maid of honor just puked.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
