how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
