I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
