I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
