Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you win again, gameday.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
