Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Couch. On fire.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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