Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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