the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor