just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus