i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary