You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.