Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.