I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain