She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week