So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
