you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
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He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me