At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????