we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.