life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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