if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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