and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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