So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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