I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
