i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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