If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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