You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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