State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
