I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
