He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
