Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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