my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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