she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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