If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
