I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
