420 ftw
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
