i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
