Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We have started to decorate penises.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
