Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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