I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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