I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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