after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
