We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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