I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
