You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
