getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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