Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
