3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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