my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
