420 ftw
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
