so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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