what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mom said you looked used
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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