Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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