Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My hand turned me down
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.