i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude