I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme