a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
