He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
