this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
