it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
