3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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