remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
