So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
