Rock
Scissors
Fuck
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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